For those of you who think you couldn’t possibly; that crying is for those made of less stern stuff than you; for those who have got themselves so worked up for the occasion that they fall apart when they finally stand there, or for older women dabbing at their eyes with their hankies – I have news for you. You will cry. And it will have nothing to do with regret or sadness.
Why do we cry at our weddings?
Some psychologists indicate that beneath the happiness of the occasion is a remembered loss that evokes pain – you are leaving the family home, you are leaving your girlhood behind, you have mixed feelings about marriage
Others indicate joy, as so often the tears are accompanied by smiles; joy at the poignancy of the moment; the richness of sharing; of connection with others
Then there is the heightened emotional charge of the celebration – once these emotional channels are open, the ease with which tears arrive is astounding; this is true of many who attend weddings as well
When the tears are most likely:
If you want to prepare yourself, there are several moments when tears are more likely to arise.
During the ritual, the ceremony – the intimacy of exchanging vows before people and the emotional charge of the connection with all of those around you, focusing on you and wishing you well, is enough to elicit tears from anyone
When a friend cries – see someone else all choked up and it immediately sets up a response in you
A poignant moment during speeches – someone is bound to say something that will touch you and tears will come without warning
An unexpected gesture – your friends have teemed up to sing you a song, or your father and sister play a duet on the piano – anything in this vein is bound to set you off, despite the smiles it will bring to your face
At the mic – most brides refuse to say a speech for this very reason – the heightened moment of saying ‘thank you’ to others sets you off