What Forever Means to me By Nabatanzi Feewaiba

I would not stop but wonder how times flies ,how so many things are not a constant in life looking through my parents wedding album 28 years ago was their wedding day .I had seen this album before although I cant say often .I would not stop staring at my dad and how much he had changed looking at this photo he looked so youthful and handsome and indeed time had changed so much about him and on the other hand was my mother soo beautiful and so full of life ,quite slim as well. They looked like the couple that can make you believe in forever.

Our bodies wear out ,you learn the unexpected about your partner, most of the things change how does a couple make it to forever? Was the question I asked my father after listening to the marriage guru on TV .He smiled and replied”none of those things they have said will grantee your forever you will find yourself waking up with the same person everyday of your life but you will not have a clear explanation of how it happened” I guess in his own way he was acknowledging God’s will is any successful marriage .When I asked my mom the same question she said to me”Pay attention during courtship there will be clues you will just decided to ignore but you will see the red flags earlier enough ” Never help a man accomplish a lot before he puts a ring on it.

A relationship is between two people but unfortunately marriage goes beyond the two.Mom often tells me my dad was not always welcomed by her family and it was even known to him.she always tells me about the time she told her parents that she was getting married her dad(my grand dad)who is also a reverend asked her that one question
“i have raised you in a christian family but you have decided to marry a moslem ,poor and worse still he is  10 years older than you”the story goes on and on but to cut the long story short she still got married to my dad and converted to Islam and only her parents blessed her marriage they rest did not.But my dad  made sure he worked to prove himself worth  at least hard enough to be given my mom’s hand in marriage.You do not have to run away after the first rejection from her family because after getting that approval you have her loyalty forever If you are not willing to pay the price of being given her hand in marriage you have no business with forever.

Of course during childhood you look at your parents as a symbol of perfection but when you grow up you start viewing things differently. Attending bridal showers wakes me to a reality I do not want to be apart of ,actually they make me second guess whether I ever want to be married. The bride to be is trained to be perfect in the eyes of her husband , in bed ,submissive to the husband ,perfect with housework the list is endless. She is supposed to give priority to the husband all the time regardless of the husband’s behavior .It keeps me thinking what happens to your family,work,friends and everything that you held dear. Meanwhile the man is prepared to find perfection. I think my mom would be graded that woman that is not marriage material as society standards but here she is counting 28 years and happily married .Her husband has had her attention and time, I remember a number of my mother’s friends we have stayed with ,there are times she has chosen her parents and relatives over time with us. My dad is not as outgoing as my mom but she has always made time to catch up with the rest of her world yes I wont say he is always happy about it but she does it anyway. Forever includes arguments and good times but above all forever does not involve losing the person you were before getting married

I surely wouldn’t want to walk into poverty with my eyes wide open. Times change so do financial standards .When my dad married my mother he was poor and also from a humble background .But those financial standards have changed quite frequently sometimes its hard to track where they actually belong .From the bottom to the highest to the middle I guess they have had a pitch of every bit of it. Nothing bits poverty like a team,They have been able to provide me this good life am struggling to maintain. If the feeling is mutual and he has maned up to wife you. Gal you better pack and get a home you can call your own .Quit waiting for him to buy a car ,buy a plot of land. The biggest realization of any man is to find that woman that makes him chooses lifetime commitment without pressure of course unless you aren’t ready or you feel he has not A his game.

My mom told me my dad was not in agreement with her working when they first got married and she had her share of being a housewife but one day she thought to her self yes my husband can provide for me and my two children but is this the life I ought to leave and she made a decision to work even when she knew it would cost her the marriage . She was raised in a well to do family she wasn’t going to leave such a life forever. Her decision to start working was followed by several months of silent treatment but she still followed her dreams , later became business partners and the rest was history and they moved to the heights they are enjoying now. My dad is retired now and his health is not at it’s best but my mum has kept the legacy my dad worked so hard to attain. If you ever choose for ever you do not send your wife packing for all the decisions she differs from you or seeking refugee in another woman’s arms.

What ever God bestows upon you its your responsibility to make others admire your status.If God has bestowed marriage upon you,your  responsibility would be  making others aspire to be married.The question would be how.If you are married and you cant get rid of your other relationships,you exchange vows just to break them that very night you are making others second guess marriage which is sacred to God.

Getting married is not an achievement making it to forever is .If you ever choose marriage I pray your children have the same smile I had this weekend going through my parents wedding pictures, seeing how they have stayed true to their vows against the odds. Hope you will be the couple that makes your children believe in forever even when they failed at their attempts towards it. Am crushing on my parents marriage this November

Guest Writer
Nabatanzi Feewaiba



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