How Do I Tell My Partner to Stop Picking His Family Over Me?

I’ve been working on our wedding day schedule for months now. As our wedding date is approaching, it is pretty much complete. Each five-minute block has been accounted for. Last weekend, my future father-in-law announces that he would like to give a speech at the wedding. I said, “We will have to take a look at the schedule and let you know.”

When we returned home, future husband and I got into a big argument because he announced that anyone who wants to give a speech at our wedding will not be denied. We should be honored, and that goes double for his father. Frankly, he was irritated that I even questioned that his father would give a speech. I doubled back that: 1) I made the schedule. I’ve been doing it for months. It’s disrespectful to me to just move everything around again at the last minute. I had already made a concession for one of his other groomsmen to give a speech, when it was previously limited to just the Maid of Honor and Best Man. 2) I do not want an open mic. People going on and on in speeches is boring. Further, I love my friends, but some of them might take this as an opportunity to “lovingly” embarrass me. 3) We do not have unlimited time. The more speeches we add, the less time we have for other things. 4) Traditionally, the groom’s father does not give a speech. The bride’s father does. So, I didn’t think twice about not including him in the speeches.

I told him that I did not disrespect his father. I was simply concerned about the timeline.

The whole thing felt reminiscent of an argument we had previously where he said if it’s me or his parents, he’s going to choose his parents. It started with a regular visit to his parents’ house for the weekend. I like to be at home early on Sundays to prep for work and rest. Future hubs thinks it’s disrespectful to leave early. Anyway, we have a fundamental disagreement about our parents’ roles in our lives. I believe that once you get married, your partner becomes your family. The future hubs does not agree. I was able to get past this argument because I’m thinking, we live like a hundred miles from his parents. How often will both his parents and myself be strapped to a train track and he has to pick one of us to save? Like, never. Well, until now, maybe?

These problems are not reciprocated on my end because my parents live thousands of miles away.

Anyway, I shortened the time allowed for all speeches at the wedding from five minutes each to three minutes as a compromise and called it a day. Hoping and praying that no one else asks to give a speech.

Is this a big problem or am I being too sensitive?



Real Weddings

Asaba James and Twinomujuni Deborah via mikolo